All of my little baby apps suggested that this week I should write down how I feel, what I crave, what I am thinking about, etc. You know, so I can remember the experience of being pregnant. First of all, I don't like the word pregnant, but that's all we got so here we go.
At first as I thought about this I was not in the best of moods (surprise, thank you pregnancy for my awesome mood swings), so I was thinking I feel tired. I feel awkward. I feel very round. I feel like I can't possibly get any bigger, though I know I will. I feel like 6 weeks seems so soon and I get nervous but then it changes to feeling so far away and I get impatient.
What I crave, to sleep through the night. To not have to visit the bathroom so much, to not have to worry about belching during my parent teacher conferences because I just ate dinner. I also want to be dripping in sweat after an intense round of kickboxing, instead of feeling breathless at the top of my stairs. I also crave COMFORT. To lay on my tummy or my back or even on my side without having to toss and turn all night.
Umm....food wise, nothing really. Smoothies. Yum. LOVE them, I want one right now. Seriously, that is all I want. Jamba Juice, Strawberry Dream, creamy deliciousness sent straight from above. Steve Bourne, he makes a crazy good green smoothie. Thanks babe, you will be making me one when you get home. Wow. I must be pregnant, I could go on and on and on about smoothies, and juice.
Moving on. I am thinking about not sleeping for a few months, packing a diaper bag again, being a slave to feeding time, getting baby girl's room done, getting Cache's room done, work....
But this "what are you thinking one is the best one", it's the one that changed my perspective and when I really think about it, I always end up feeling really positive about the future. What I really think about is how amazing it will be to get to hold her in my arms, bringing her home to her big brother who has been so anxious and excited to finally get his baby. I am so excited to see Steve with his daughter, and to be able to do someone's hair. Not to mention someone to escape ESPN with me and take a trip to the mall. Someone to stand by my side when I say, "Seriously?! Please do not throw balls in the house." Or, "Umm...! Do we really need to be flying the helicopter right above my head right now?" I am also excited for us girls to get out there and play sports with the boys and show them how cool we are :). I am excited to have her in our family, watch her and Cache grow up. I am so excited for summer break because I will be there all day, everyday with my kiddos. I can watch them interact, I can spend time with them, I can learn how to juggle life with two kids without having to stress about work. I can just enjoy them.
As not comfortable as I am feeling right now, I am excited to see her face and Cache's face when we tell them that we are going to have another baby. I know, I sound crazy loco. But that is what we want. A family. We want our children to have each other's backs. We want lots of visitors when we are silver haired and wrinkly. We want to enjoy raising children because we know that it goes by so fast and before we know it, It will go back to where it started, me and him. Then we will sit down, reminisce and plan our next adventures together.
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